It certainly isn’t that of the First People. The native Americans that we stole land from, displaced and murdered. And we are still doing it to this day. They are so marginalized that most Americans never give them a thought. Except when we celebrate the colonizer, Christopher Columbus. Can’t be their independence.

It certainly isn’t that of People of Color. Especially the ones we enslaved for over 250 years. The ones the 13^th amendment “freed” only to have slavery replaced by incarceration through “the war on drugs”. Who have been and are still systematically and deliberately kept poor and marginalized. Who have been and continue to be redlined and separated from wealth and prosperity. Who are disproportionately targeted, harassed and killed by law enforcement. Or the ones who harvest most of the food in this country. Who process the beef, pork and chicken we eat. Who do the jobs that most Americans feel we are better than. Whose children we steal when they are trying to find a better home and future for them.  Who must be “exceptional” just to have the possibility of being seen as equal. Whose cultural traditions are coopted to sell more products. Can’t be their independence.

It certainly isn’t that of women. The SCOTUS just let us know what they think of women. Expected and forced to give up bodily autonomy and health decisions. Still paid less than a man in the same position. Must be “exceptional” just to be seen as equal. Must live every day knowing 3 out of 4 will be abused or raped and their attackers will never face punishment (or even understand what they did).  There are any number of states that continue to attack the sovereignty of women. Can’t be their independence.

It certainly isn’t that of our children. They continue to be slaughtered in schools and we wring our hands and blame doors and mental illness. We are stealing the future from them as we fail to make any real changes regarding climate change. We are just starting to see the real effect and ignore the coming relentless waves of climate refugees. We are leaving this crisis for them. We refuse to put any kind of universal health care in place to help them on a path to prosperity. We are not allowing them to learn the history of this country. We are keeping them ignorant to keep the parents happy. Can’t be their independence.

It certainly isn’t that of our friends and family in the LGTBQ+ community. We tell them they are mentally ill, a danger to society, unworthy of existence. We accuse them of grooming children to be prey. We deride Pride Month because somehow rainbows are upsetting. They are beaten in the streets, fired from jobs, told in action and word they don’t belong. Can’t be their independence.

That leaves us with straight white men. We are celebrating their continuance at the front of the American stage. The power they have amassed to control everyone else. We are celebrating their control of the major religion in this country which is now being used as basis for law. The fact they are the source of the abuse and rape of 3 out of 4 women but do not understand they are rapists and abusers. The fact they continue to refuse to see their privilege and its roots. Are we celebrating their unwillingness to let go of that power?

So, you can take Independence Day of a country stolen from the natives and built on their graves by the slaves owned by the men that wrote “all men are created equal” (as long as they were white landowners) and shove it where the sun doesn’t shine. Because most Americans live in the shadows cast by the system of white male supremacy this country was bult on. Where is the independence?

It is time for America to declare it’s independence from white men. Adult white men comprise approximately 21% of the US population but they fill over 60% of elected offices. It is time for white men like me to move to the back of the stage and amplify the voices that we have been and are still drowning out. It’s OK. The worse thing that could happen is we will be treated as we have treated others.

The post Independence Day 2022 first appeared on Doug In A Pub.

How affection seems to be taboo in many cases, when it is something the world sorely needs.

I give my answer to what is the main thing holding humanity back. 

Want to be a guest Do you have any questions?

doug@douginapub.com

The post Hope & Wonder & Affection first appeared on Doug In A Pub.

We discuss struggles with relationships and anxiety. Talk about how the past can keep coming back to trip you.

She has found EMDR to be very helpful and suggested the following resources from WebMD & Psychology Today.

I am so grateful she is so open and honest. The more we share, the smaller the world gets. The more we understand we are not alone, the better.

As always, ask questions. If you are struggling, ask for help.

What to be a guest?

www.douginapub.com

The post Doug in a Pub with Eliza Rickman Part 2 first appeared on Doug In A Pub.

My favorite quote about fear:

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.” Frank Herbert, Dune

My favorite quote about love:

“Anyone can love a thing because. That’s as easy as putting a penny in your pocket.
But to love something despite. To know the flaws and love them too. That is rare and pure and perfect.” Patrick Rothfuss, The Wise Man’s Fear

Episode 6 will be part one of my conversation with Eliza Rickman.

Here is the post where I asked Brett to marry me.

Thank you for listening, spread the word. Love each other. Have a question or want to be a guest?
doug@douginapub.com

The post Doug in a Pub Ep5 Fear and Love first appeared on Doug In A Pub.

I have my first guest this episode. Brett, my partner and fiancé. We talk about the difference between want and need. One of our first conversations about our relationship.

We also talk about BrewDog, our favorite brewery and the people we have met because of it.

Then I talk about the first time I understood memories could be completely false and how that changed me.

Here is a link to the Mind Field episode about false memories.

I will post my BrewDog love letter this week.

The next episode will have my conversation with Jason from Fez-O-Rama.

The post Want vs Need, BrewDog & Memories and how they can be false. first appeared on Doug In A Pub.

Episode summary. I start off talking about the word why and how it has affected me. A brief story of how the Doug in a Pub podcast and blog came to be. I was the first guest on a podcast called “Life in a Kilt” it is now gone from the internet, but I have gotten my hands on the episode on which I was a guest. I will post it soon. We talk about life and kilts. The hosts, Rick and Cheri have started a new podcast called. This Epic Disaster. I never miss an episode, give it a listen. 

A review of one of my all time favorite bars, The Brick Store Pub. Here is a link to a review I posted on my blog. I finish up with a story of how changing a tire changed my life. Episode three will include two conversations with my partner Brett. We will talk about want vs need and BrewDog. I will also talk about a story from when I was little and how it changed over time and how those changes affected me.  Memories are not what they are cracked up to be.  Thanks for listening. What do you want to hear me talk about? Want to be a guest?  Please share!! You can subscribe to this podcast in most places. iTunes, Spotify, Google Play, SoundCloud, Stitcher, Beyond Pod….

The post Doug in a Pub podcast Episode 2 first appeared on Doug In A Pub.

In the meantime, are there any questions you want me to try to answer?

Doug

The post Podcast in the works first appeared on Doug In A Pub.

I recently bought one of those clicking handheld counters. I did this so I could hold myself accountable for any and all negative words I used towards another human. So, for everything I thought or said that was negative, I gave myself a click. I was averaging about 15 per day (but I have been working on this for a long time already).

Did I call someone an idiot for cutting me off in traffic? Did I call a politician a name? Was I judgmental towards someone? This exercise did a few things for me, one of which caught me off guard.

I guess a current buzz word is micro-aggression. That’s what most of the negative words I used were. Small acts of violence. As a pacifist, this did not sit well with me. I believe that words can be a form of violence. Think of the emotional abuse and criticism between spouses, or from parents to children. When spoken or shouted, these words absolutely leave scars and cause damage. If I am calling people idiots or assholes under my breath, the words are still violent, but by keeping them internal, I am mostly causing damage to myself. Dozens of times a day I would do this to myself, and it would come out in little ways. A short temper. Resistance to change or new ideas. Just a general unhappiness with the world.

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” ― Gautama Buddha

After this epiphany, I realized that I began having fewer negative thoughts directed at others. I started to feel more compassion towards and individuate those I would normally have a few choice words for. This was awesome, and exactly what I was going for. The one change that has surprised me most occurs when I am driving. I drive a lot – 40K to 50K miles per year. I started working on my reactions to other drivers about a year ago, and it has gotten better. But when I combined that with this new exercise, the magic happened. Now, when someone is driving in what I feel is an unsafe or reckless manner, I become calm and centered and sincerely wish them safe travels. I remind them that driving is a team sport, and I hope they find some inner peace and realize the danger in how they are driving.

For me, this ties back to not using “lazy” words like hate. I have learned to be more verbose. Verbosity adds meaning.

This exercise has brought me calmness and clarity.

Ask questions.

Doug

The post Words Count – The ones we think and the ones we say first appeared on Doug In A Pub.