I was born on 11/21/1966, my nephew Jon was born on 11/14/73. Today would have been his birthday.
My first memory of Jon was when he was about a year old. I was in the family room of my parents’ house (I lived with them after all) building some sort of Lego masterpiece on the coffee table. This little kid waddled into the room, grabbed it and broke off a chunk, so I walked around the table and shoved him to the floor. I got in so much trouble. Seven year old kids should know better, but the bastard broke my Legos.
I always found it interesting the relationship between our birthdays and our lives. We were born 7 years and 7 days apart (6 years, 11 months and 25 days to be precise). We had similar tastes in music and went to some awesome shows together – Prince, Men Without Hats, Lacuna Coil. We both started and sold our own businesses. We both had issues due to being self employed. I tried to end my own life when I was 44, he succeeded in ending his at 44.
I know many people are angry with those that choose to end their own lives. Having made the attempt, I don’t feel anger, just a sense of loss. He knew how loved he was, how important he was/is to friends and family. I am sure that if he had asked for help, a mob would have answered yes. But, for whatever reason, he couldn’t see a way out of the hole he perceived himself to be stuck in.
In my case, there was nothing anyone could have done to stop my plan. I went to a party the night before my attempt, and had a great time with friends. I know I am not the only one to have reached out to Jon, to have offered help, to have shown him there is hope. Depression is a liar. It removes hope, it hides promise.
He was one of the best people to ever inhabit this planet. I will always have a Jon-shaped hole in my life.
When you are struggling, asking for help is the best gift you can ever give to someone. Friends and family can do everything right, be there for them, offer the best advice, love, support, everything…. but when depression comes to call, it is almost impossible not to answer. The hardest thing as a friend, parent or family member is to make peace with the fact there was nothing more that could have been done. To stand back, unable to change things. To only look forward and not blame ourselves for things that happened.